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Victim Assistance
Div. of Erie County
Victims of
Domestic
Violence:
419-624-6875
Victims of
Felony Crime:
419-627-7699
Victims of
Juvenile
Crime:
419-624-6885
Victims of
Misdemeanor
Crime:
419-624-6880
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Sexual Assault Information For Friends & Family
Rape and sexual assaults are crimes which affect many people close to
the survivor. The survivor is the primary victim, but co-survivors
(i.e. friends, family, partners, co-workers, roommates, etc.) become
secondary victims to the crime, because they too are affected by the
situation. Many co-survivors do not know what to do or where to go
for help, or they may feel they don't have a role in a survivor's
recovery. Co-survivors must respond to their feelings and emotions
in regard to the incident. Family and friends will all respond
differently, depending upon their past experiences in life and the myths
and beliefs which they had about rape and assault prior to the
experience.
A survivor of sexual assault has experienced a crime where control over
the situation, and indeed the right to make decisions regarding one's
own body, has been removed. It is natural to feel a tremendous
loss of power and control over life following sexual assault, so you
should emphasize that just surviving is an accomplishment and that
anything he or she did to survive was the right thing. Surviving a
sexual assault is a testament of the individual's strength.
Encourage the person you support to claim the label of SURVIVOR, rather
than victim, as a tool of empowerment.
What the survivor might feel
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Anger
at the assailant(s) or herself or himself for not escaping the
situation.
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Powerlessness, loss of control over one's life.
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Guilt,
the feeling that she or he could have prevented the assault.
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Fear of
being blamed or assaulted again, people finding out, pregnancy,
STIs, all people, physical contact, being alone or with others.
Responses vary according to each person.
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Helplessness, loss of all self-reliance.
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Depression
as more than a "mood" of sadness.
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Anxiety,
confusion, or feeling "crazy."
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Humiliation, shame.
How the survivor might behave
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Expressive:
crying, yelling, shaking, being angry, etc. Anger may be
directed at you since you are close to the survivor.
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Appearing
extremely calm, controlled or unaffected.
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Appearing
withdrawn.
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Having
nightmares or trouble sleeping.
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Changing
eating habits.
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Lack of
concentration or energy.
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"Waking
flashbacks" with an intense sense of reality.
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Experiencing
Rape Trauma Syndrome or Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
What a co-survivor might feel
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Pain,
sorrow, disgust
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Blame
for oneself or the victim
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Impatience
with the recovery process
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Anger
at the assailant, wanting revenge
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Preoccupation with sexual aspects of the assault; seeing it as sex
rather than violence
What
co-survivors can do to support the survivor
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Believe the
survivor and tell the survivor that you believe her or him.
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Do not blame
the survivor for the assault. Tell the survivor, "It's
not your fault." Whatever she or he did to survive succeeded.
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Listen to the
survivor. If you feel uncomfortable, be honest. Let her
or him know that you care but just cannot handle the details.
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It is normal
for survivors to have periods of denial where they do not want to
talk about the assault. Do not push them to talk, but also do
not assume they have completely recovered. Let the survivor
know you are available to help if needed.
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Accept the
survivor's reactions, whatever they may be. State that these
feelings are normal and that the recovery process takes time.
Avoid comparing their experience to others' experiences.
Everyone's response to trauma is somewhat different.
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Address
immediate concerns, particularly medical and legal issues.
Help identify options and information. See the
Medical Issues and
Legal Issues web pages.
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Do not take
control of the situation yourself. Remember, the survivor has
been robbed of all sense of control, so letting the survivor make
decisions will be empowering. Support the survivor's
decisions, even if you disagree with them.
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Help identify
a support system for the survivor, and encourage him or her to seek
counseling or help from a rape crisis center.
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Be patient and
let the survivor recover at his or her own rate. It may take
weeks, months or years. Survivors may never completely
"forget" the attack. See the
Long-Term Effects of Sexual Assault web page.
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Do not ignore
your own feelings, but don't let them overshadow those of the
survivor. Do not hesitate to seek outside help from a rape
crisis center, counselor or friend. Do not use the survivor as
your support system.
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Confront your
own fears and prejudices about sexual assault. Educate
yourself about the common myths and misconceptions surrounding
sexual assault by attending workshops, reading books and contacting
your local rape crisis center.
Resources
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OCOSA (The
Ohio Coalition On Sexual Assault) (614) 268-3322
Provides information and referrals during business hours.
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RAINN (Rape
Abuse and Incest National Network) 1-800-656-HOPE
Twenty-four
hour computer system that relays calls to the nearest rape crisis
center.
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